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Being in a relationship for an extended period of time can teach you a lot of things. From understanding the value of love and finding the essence of your self-worth, everything is undeniably in control. However, since there are relationships that require an end, you will eventually feel the need for letting go and being able to develop some beneficial qualities for yourself and become a better person.

I Learn To Value What I Can Do – A failed romantic relationship can cause too much damage, and once you let it beat you, you will never realize the good things that you have. I often take things for granted and never give importance to what matters. However, the breakup made me think about the things I can do and understand my capabilities as well as my weaknesses.

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I Stopped Making Excuses – Being in a toxic relationship is devastating, but the goal of keeping the connection has always been a priority. So I tend to ignore some of the consequences and start making excuses that will make me hold on to the relationship. Though I tried to picture it positively, the results were destructive. From there, the breakup taught me to appreciate honesty and made me accept the things I no longer have control of.

I Became Open To Adjustments – You have to make an ample amount of adjustment when you are in any kind of relationship. It will help you understand the needs of compromising. I was too confident knowing myself that I didn’t consider making any changes to what I usually do. However, the adversities happened, and self-change was the only way to keep me sane after the breakup. I realized that Karen R. Koenig, MEd, LCSW was right after all. “Nothing ruins self-esteem like surrounding yourself with people who abuse or neglect you.”

I Became Strong – The painful experience of a breakup showed me how strong a person I was. It led me to know the kind of behavioral abilities that I never thought I had even after the commitment. The pain positively motivated me to do the things I didn’t usually do. I learned to appreciate and love myself the way I should. Besides, Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D. made me realize a lot of things when she said “Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.” Damn, she’s right!

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I Appreciated The People Around Me – When I was in a relationship, everything was about us. It was a closed type of commitment where we revolved ourselves around each other. But since it all ended, I happened to realize that there are people who are more than willing to give me everything I deserve to have. The kindest and purest love was unnoticeable until I tried looking at things differently. You see, “We only have control of ourselves and our own desire for growth and change. Part of that growth and change is deciding the type of person we allow in our lives, and the positive impact they can have on us.” Nikki Martinez, Psy.D. LCPC emphasizes on that one.

I don’t regret being in a long-term relationship that required a lot of effort. It was part of my choices, and I wholeheartedly fought for it in the first place. However, things will never stay as-is and we have to remember that everything is part of the essentials of life. I may have had a painful experience of loving the wrong person, but I will still thank him for the lessons he had shown me for the past seven years. Without those experiences, I would never have had the chance to value my existence.